Male domestic abuse survivor tells of stabbing horror on Ireland AM.

For further information:

Sharon McHugh
TV3 PRESS OFFICE
+3531 419 3430 / 087 922 4143
sharon.mchugh@tv3.ie
publicity@tv3.ie

Ciara Byrne
+353 1 419 3329 / 087 3199732
ciara.byrne@tv3.ie

TV3 GROUP RELEASE                                                                               

IMMEDIATE: Thursday 10th July, 2014.

 

 

Male domestic abuse survivor tells of stabbing horror on Ireland AM.

 

Domestic abuse survivor Paul* appeared on Ireland AM this morning to tell his story of how his wife mentally and physically abused him culminating in her stabbing him fifteen times.

 

The father of two told Sinead Desmond how his whirlwind romance turned into a horror story when he ended up in hospital with fifteen stab wounds and no one would believe that his wife was the attacker.

 

Manager of Amen Niamh Farrell also appeared on the show to speak about being the support service in Ireland dedicated to male victims on domestic violence.

 

Watch the full interview with Paul here.

 

Watch the full interview with Amen Manager Niamh Farrell here.

 

Ireland AM airs Monday to Friday from 7am – 10.00am on TV3.

 

Paul met Anne* in the mid-nineties. It was love at first sight and they were engaged within four months. They were married six months later but their honeymoon saw the whirlwind romance take an ugly turn. Paul appeared on Ireland AM this morning (Thursday 10th July) telling Sinead Desmond how an alcohol-fuelled argument during the trip became a sign of things to come.

 

“We had an argument. We left the bar and when we got around to an alley way, I got the bejaysus kicked out of me.

 

“You name it, I got it. I got punched, kicked, grabbed, everything. I’ll be honest with you; I was just in total disbelief.”

 

When the couple socialised, Paul was the life and soul of the party and they would get along but as soon as they were at home, Anne would say: “You made a show of yourself, you’re embarrassing.” He told Sinead that before they had children she did abuse him he would put up with it for an “easy life”.

 

“I’d get a cup thrown at me. I don’t know if you remember the first cordless phones, you’d actually have to pull up an aerial to answer the call, I got that broken into my eye but like who did you tell? What did you do? Go down to the pub and say ‘look what the missus did to me last night’’? You don’t do it.”

 

Everything changed with the news that they were expecting their first child. Paul was overjoyed but Anne’s behaviour worsened instantly.

 

“I would always say I wasn’t walking on eggshells like you’d hear people saying, I was walking on razor blades. It didn’t matter what I said, it didn’t matter what I did or if I agreed, even if I agreed with her I was wrong. I just couldn’t win.

 

“When my child was actually born, for me, everything just changed because now it wasn’t just me. Now it was my child, like I cut the cord on my child and we were going home with our baby. It wasn’t just hers.”

 

Paul explained that as there are no refuges for men in Ireland, he had nowhere to go. One morning Anne stabbed him fifteen times with a kitchen knife and he was brought to hospital. While receiving treatment, he learned that his wife was spinning her own tale of what had happened and it became clear that as a man, he would not be seen as the victim.

 

“Two Guards came to see me [in the hospital] and it was even their attitude, the way they were speaking – ‘well, where did she stab you?’. I showed them. I had one of the hospital gowns on and I showed them my hand and I pulled it up [the gown] and showed them my belly and the Guard says to me ‘well, I wouldn’t really call them stab wounds’. So how do I win?

 

“While I was in hospital after being stabbed; she went to the judge and got a protection order. I was in hospital but she got a protection order. I don’t understand that. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

 

For Paul, the most difficult part of his story is that he has lost any relationship with his two children.

 

“A week and a half ago, my daughter made her confirmation but I was the criminal at the back of the church. I didn’t get a photograph with my daughter. I didn’t get anything. I was like a scumbag and it’s wrong. It’s very, very wrong.

 

“My kids don’t want to know me now. They don’t have a daddy. Mammies don’t tell lies, only daddies tell lies. My children don’t want to know me. I don’t exist. It’s not even as if I’m dead. People have said it’s like bereavement. It’s not like bereavement, my father died. I go to his grave and I can say my prayers. I can go there but [with the children] I have nothing, I have nothing.”

 

A turning point came for Paul when he was put in touch with Amen, a confidential helpline, support and information service for male victims of domestic abuse.

 

“It didn’t matter what you told them, it didn’t matter, they listened to you. They believed you. It was just like oh my Jesus, a weight off your mind. It was amazing.”

 

Manager of Amen Niamh Farrell also appeared on the show to speak about being the only support service in Ireland dedicated to male victims of domestic violence. She told Sinead and Anton Savage that Amen receives between 4000 and 5000 calls a year because men feel they have no one to turn to.

 

“There is the believe obviously that people think a man can’t be abused so when you go behind closed doors nobody knows what happens. We only ever hear one side of a story so it goes on much more that anyone understands or believes or accepts so it’s huge. The thing about it is and I always say, I can’t go into anybody’s house and solve their problems and take them out of those situations. They have to look for the help themselves.”

 

*These names were changed to protect the identity of the victim.

 

For further information, please visit: http://www.amen.ie/

 

Ireland AM airs Monday to Friday from 7am – 10.00am on TV3.

 

Images have been sent to your picture desks.

 

ENDS

 

For further information
Ciara Byrne – Press Officer – 01 419 3329/087 319 9732

Jean O’Donovan – Press & Publicity Assistant – 01 419 3428

Sharon McHugh – Head of Press & Publicity – 087 922 4143

publicity@tv3.ie                        
www.tv3.ie

 

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